A Heavy Heart

I was informed today that my wife’s cousin is near death. He entered an alcohol rehab location on Friday after years of being drunk far more often than he has been sober. The accumulated damage to his organs due to the persistent onslaught of high-concentration drinks over years had injured him greatly and his body could not withstand the drugs given at the treatment center to help him stop drinking.

So now he lies in a hospital bed near death and his organs have ceased to function. Dialysis was performed earlier today, and the doctors have decided that another round of this treatment would be counter-productive to his quality of life… for what that is worth to him. He was told today by the doctor that if he is to live he will need to fight with every ounce of strength, but I fear that he gave up his will to live years ago.

In response to that fact, the doctor told him that if he would not fight for his own sake, he must fight for the sake of his daughter, who is quite young. You see, he is only 34 years old. I look at the path I was on not too many years ago and see myself on that hospital bed, for that could have been me. I took one direction in my life though, and Matt took the other.

In a few days, barring a miracle, there will be a funeral for this man who struggled against the world, fighting it every day with a bottle. All too often, we are told not to be to sad at a funeral for death is only a gateway into the next life, but I will weep anyway. I will weep for death still has a grip over our mortal bodies. I will weep for I have not witnessed the fruits of a new life. I will weep because it is the Biblical way to show compassion. I will weep for I have had very little contact with him in all the years I have been married into his family.

Life is too busy. We chase after the next thing on our calendar, often oblivious to the suffering of those who just live in the next town. I should have gotten to know him. I could have shown him an acceptance that he never found and likely never will. I would have loved him unconditionally.

Should have, could have, would have. But what did I do? I punched the clock at work and left in the opposite direction for home. I saw him in passing at the occasional birthday party or holiday. We discussed football and politics, things that ebb and flow as the tide.

When he dies, I will weep bitterly.

Update May 3: Matt has been taken off life support and his immediate family is gathered to await the end.

Update May 3: Matt passed away around 1:00 in the afternoon. He is survived by a wife, child and other family. Please remember us in your prayers, especially his wife and child.