"There is an art, or rather a knack, to flying which involves throwing yourself at the ground and missing."
-Douglas Adams, Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
There are two theories to arguing with women... Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
I got this joke from John Mark Ministries:
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 mile per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly from the passenger seat, "Now don't be silly, dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls,"Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, " You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut."
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket." The wife says," Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
"Oh, heavens no, officer. Only when he's been drinking."
It's always the darkest just before the 'fridge door opens.
-From "Who Put the Skunk in the Trunk"
The funniest thing happened to me today. As usual, I was riding the bus in to work with my nose in a book. The book I was reading today is "Who Put The Skunk In The Trunk?" by Phil Callaway. I'm usually very good about pulling the cord that tells the bus driver to make the stop right in front of the door to my office, but today I was so engrossed in my book I let the bus get about six blocks away before I realized what was going on.
Hmm, I don't remember our route taking us past the Civic Center yesterday. And isn't that the YMCA coming up on the right? When did they move it? And where's everybody else? Hey! WAITAMINUTE!
So I dashed to the front of the bus for an immediate drop off and started walking to work with snowflakes the size of my thumb coming down and laughed. A few short months ago, I would have bundled against the cold and cursed my lapse of attention. Today I laughed.
It's funny how much can change in so little time once you begin giving it over, and that is what this book is all about. And mixed in with that message is a whole host of stories of people who have been in bad situations and yet they persevered by trusting in God, and in many cases, by finding the silver lining in their cloud.
To get an idea of this book, think of a Dave Barry column with a healthy dose of Christianity mixed in. To spice it up, add equal parts of failures that became successes and skunks in people's trunks.
I'm adding a new topic for this blog called "Skunkbusters" that will include stories and quotes of this nature. Maybe a joke or two can be added. If you'd like to add your own story to this mix, drop me a line and we'll all laugh together.